I woke up with my heart racing. Another awful dream that seemed way too real. Since losing my daughter and becoming pregnant again it has felt like an endless cycle of longing, grief, hope, joy and fear. Longing for a little person to fill arms again, grief that it won’t be Ada, clinging to the hope that the day I get to treasure a new little soul would come soon, joy and so much thankfulness when I feel those precious kicks, and fear that my high risk pregnancy will end in heartbreak again. How exhausting to try to be patient through this!
I hate waiting. It’s not a problem if it’s a short wait for something good that I know is coming (like Christmas). I hate the long, drawn out, unpleasant kind of waiting where what you wait for is uncertain and the waiting period holds so much emotional upheaval. If I could, I’d pack all the unpleasantness in one condensed chunk so that I could endure it quickly and move on to something better and more hopeful right away. Lasting struggle or lingering suffering is so wearying. I’m sure the struggle of waiting hits us all in different ways. If you know it, I suspect you also know how tiring it can be to pray for relief, to wait, and to wonder how much longer until it comes. Maybe your struggle is disappointment, sorrow, fear, the monotony of life, loneliness or something else. No matter what it is, it’s hard to face that which lasts indefinitely. But I firmly believe that if I’ve got to face seasons like this, there is good that God has for me to discover as I do.
The story of Simeon and his example has been close to my heart over the last weeks. Here’s a man who waited! Most of his life was waiting. He was born into a waiting period in history. The waiting for hope: the long, silent stretch of time before the Messiah came. The gap in time where the Bible didn’t record any communication from God to man. How wearying it must have been. It says in Luke that he was “waiting for the consolation of Israel.” Waiting for consolation! There’s an ache and longing in that kind of waiting. I have found the tiny story of Simeon to be a very rich legacy of encouragement for anyone who waits on God though.
Luke 2:25-32
And behold, there was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon, and this man was just and devout, waiting for the Consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. And it had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not see death before he had seen the Lord’s Christ. So he came by the Spirit into the temple. And when the parents brought in the Child Jesus, to do for Him according to the custom of the law, he took Him up in his arms and blessed God and said:
“Lord, now You are letting Your servant depart in peace,
According to Your word;
For my eyes have seen Your salvation
Which You have prepared before the face of all peoples,
A light to bring revelation to the Gentiles,
And the glory of Your people Israel.”
His example is beautiful and there are pieces for me to cling to right now. It would seem that Simeon used waiting to direct his heart towards God in some very specific ways.
1. Devotion
In spite of the silence, in spite of the length of waiting, the choice can be made to be “just and devout” before God. Simeon chose to draw near and cling to God in the silence. He refused to give up and abandon His way. I can do that too.
2. Counting God Faithful
If I struggle with the uncertainty of what I hope for, maybe it’s time to broaden my hope. Simeon could have hoped for relief from the Romans. That’s what many Israelites were hoping for to console them. Instead, he simply waited for the consolation that God would bring. Maybe he knew that what God chose to use to console His people would be perfect. I can broaden my hope to something certain; the faithfulness of God to bring good in the best form possible. He let Simeon know that He had great goodness in store that he would get see in his lifetime. Simeon hung his hope on a God who would follow through perfectly.
3. Drawing Near
It says that on the day he was to meet Christ, Simeon came by the Spirit into the temple. This would suggest to me that he was not distant from God. The Lord was leading Simeon and Simeon was following. He was staying where he needed to be to recognize the good when it came. He was growing in understanding of God so that he would be able to recognize different facets of blessing in His Gift.
Simeon came through on the other side of the waiting to some beautiful discoveries that are still true for me.
1. The Wait is Always Worth It
Simeon was not only given the living breathing consolation that he longed for, he was given “peace,” in his heart and far reaching “hope” and “glory.” God gave extravagantly beyond what Simeon had hoped for!
2. It’s a Safe Thing to Wait for God to Bring Good
Safe? Yes, absolutely! I can know that because I can know and grow in understanding of God’s good character. Even if I don’t know what that good will be, James says; “every good gift and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father of lights with Whom there is NO variation or shadow of turning.” It’ll be nothing short of perfect! What Simeon says has absolutely no hint or glint of disappointment. God is the giver of good! His plan is always for good for those who follow Him. Who could possibly stand in his way when He has determined to bring goodness?
Along with Simeon’s story, a little memory has been playing on my mind too. A few months ago before the ground was frozen, my sister in law came over to help me plant bulbs. My knowledge of gardening is next to null so I was thankful for her expertise. We dug the holes deep enough to help keep them safe from a late spring freeze or hungry squirrels but not so deep that they would not be able to push through the dirt. As we dropped the little onion-like balls into place, I asked her if it mattered which side was up. She told me that one of the fascinating things about bulbs is that once planted, they turned themselves in the dirt to be in the perfect position to grow. Gravity helps them shift. Amazing!
I have thought often of my dry crackled little bulbs down there in the hard frozen soil. They’re not so different from me. I hate being in the dark, it’s messy, its cold and the dirt is heavy against me, I sometimes feel alone, and the beauty of next spring is only something I’ve heard of. I’ve never seen even a glimpse of it, and I have no idea when it might finally come or what might lie in my path between now and then!
But there is glorious and beautiful potential for good if I let the gravity of the place I am in turn me toward the Light: the Light of God’s nearness that has the life giving power to give me hope. I don’t have to. I could fight the dirt! I could resist the place I’m in, and though that may make me feel independent I suspect that will not get me to the good place intended for me, it’ll only leave me down in the dirt, messy and discouraged. His way is through. He has no intention of leaving me here. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for YOU are with me.” (Psalm 23:4) I will turn my crackled, tired, messy little self toward Him. He will be the One who can draw me up through the dirt (and yes, out of it) so that He can unfold that which endured the dark place into His intended place of beautiful glory!
Rows of ruffling peachy pink tulips, bunches of miniature daffodils glowing with sunny golden cheer, lacy pure white hyacinth, all bursting with beauty… That is what awaits my little bulbs. Someday not too terribly far from now they will make that final push through the dirt. They will reach their little sprouts ever upward and higher until at long last in the glow of early spring, they will burst open together under the gentle warmth of sunlight. Then those early spring breezes will whisper gently through their petals “now wasn’t that worth it?” That’s when it will be clear that the dirt was the best thing in the world for them to endure if it brought them to this! And that is just a little glimpse of the kind of glory that awaits when we but turn in the dirt and wait for His goodness to unfold!
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I hope in Him!”
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the Lord.
Lamentations 3:24-26
For since the beginning of the world
Men have not heard nor perceived by the ear,
Nor has the eye seen any God besides You,
Who acts for the one who waits for Him.
Isaiah 64:4